im using you, my little decoy

i feel like writing a song. right now. the problem with that is that i do not possess the musical capabilities to put it to music, and my words live forever in their own universe of little lines drawn onto processed bark, and never get made into anything more, more than something you can just see.
Imagine if there was a fire in my house.
The words would be destroyed.
But a fire can't destroy the actual music you made using those words.
So, weighing up my options, I wont write a song tonight.

a little bit to think about

"When I first heard about Anna Wood my blood went cold and I had an overwhelming feeling that I had somehow been responsible for this tragedy. I have known for a long time, it seems, what other children have not had the good fortune to know. That drugs, one way or another, kill! By kill I don't exactly just mean one's mortality. I mean one's initiative, one's ambitions and dreams, and most importantly, one's mind.
I was brought up believing my mind was my only weapon against mediocrity (a state or level of life abhorrent to me). With all faculties intact I could reach into my imagination and draw inspiration for life. You need to be inspired to live because life is hard! Drugs do not make it easier. For every syntheticglimpse of nirvana you have, you lose from your natural resources.
...
But now I have to speak out for Anna and for my friends who are daily struggling with paranoia, fear and addiction, and who may be dancing dangerously in some carefully contrived illusion that it's okay to experiment, it's only normal, it can't hurt you.
I don't believe that propagating safe usage of drugs is the solution. Apart from this being naive, it's promoting the idea that one can use drugs sensibly.
...
Their main purpose is to alter and disturb the natural perception of the mind."

- Anna's Story: the facts, the fury, the future
By Bronwyn Donaghy, published in 1996 by HarperCollinsPublishing

when you are afraid someone will come from behind you and push you in

ive been thinking about india. its such an amazing country, i didn't even comprehend until i got into this whole world challenge thing.

india's the second most populated country in the world, and
has more millionaires than we have people in australia.

trekking.



himalayas.



taj mahal.



there are people in between all the cars.


Also, Gemma Ward was on the cover of the first Vogue India issue.



So this is just some of my research. India is such a beautiful place. I really want to go. I just need to raise the money.

think ninja

i know twice in a row
but all you pirates listen here.
ninjas just make sense.

shiver me timbers.

lol jk, im a ninja.



but seriously, its kind of cold in here.

CHILL YOUR BISCUITS!

i have probably blogged way too many times to be natural tonight
but i just really had an urge to call a blog chill your biscuits and had to do it before i forgot
many apologies.

we speak in different voices

one thing thats amazing about life
is how things can change so quickly
sometimes you don't even realise
but suddenly things are just..
different?
what a unique word (sarcasm)
but it describes so much.

i think these apply here

Its in your head
All the voices mistaken
Shake it off shake it off
We're all dying in the end

Lets forget this all, move on

You should be still
Its just the mouths that are moving
Not for the talk
For the smiling and breathing
Find direction,
Find less excuses,
Lose connection,
Find a solution

Nowhere to go
I'm not leaving
I'm not going
I'm not kissing you goodbye
On my own
I'm nothing
Just bleeding
I'm not kissing you goodbye

Retrace the steps we took on that last summer night

I'll never trust never feel never love again
With just this bitter taste in mind.

peace & quiet

don't you wish you knew everytime you did something wrong?

i want nao!

sometimes i feel like some sparkle would make it all worth it.

gemma ward

anyone who has ever known me knows that gemma ward is my inspiration.
i dont know what it is about her, but she is beautiful.
Enjoy.

when you wonder whether you're making any sense

i think im getting sick.

and id hate to sound stupid but things are 'complicated' and sometimes the way to work them out is to talk to the person but what happens when you physically can't? Well. Not can't as in they are a thousand kilometres away but as in everytime you see them you choke up and avoid them until you feel safe. is that what it is? i feel like its dangerous?

i am sick.
cough.

oui?

lip-smackin', thirst quenchin', ace tastin', motivatin', good buzzin', cool talkin', high walkin',  fast livin', ever-givin', cool fizzin' pepsi
i cant believe i remember that from more than a year ago.
and im really not sure why that came to mind just then but it did.
and so be it.

i love elevator by boxcar racer.
and i love donny for showing me this song, it is so gentle and simple and clean i feel like i could listen to it forever.

i think i am going to go watch some skins
and brush up on my french.

i heart throbsy.

throbsy; not throsby.

i spent a little while thinking about blogging before i began.
im not really sure who i am meant to be speaking to here. 
as in, who am i addressing? who is reading this? its weird.
and thinking that someone is reading my thoughts as im thinking about them thinking about my thoughts. but there is a possibility no one reads them.

but now i kind of think, no wait. blogging is like your wildest, stupidest dreams that you just know no one else will ever experience.
there are no rules. you can dream anything you like and blog anything you like. sometimes they get out of control, sometimes you regret something that you've done, sometimes a new thing emerges from something you never thought possible. sometimes its over too fast and sometimes you feel like you could go on forever. sometimes you finish and try to go back because it feels unfinished.
sometimes things work, sometimes they dont.