i never thought you'd lose yourself

talking to myself - theres no one listening

my dance teacher frightened me yesterday because she started talking about how she grew up too young and that kids should be kids and when you get to your 20s you realise thats all over and you can never go back and you realise that growing up isnt fun. and the teenage years are about discovering yourself and the 20s are for exploring.
it scared me.
oh and the reason she was on this topic was cos she was saying the dance was about 'arrogance' not 'sex appeal' because we are too young to be sexy and we cant dance sexy until were 16 cos thats when the law says we are allowed to be sexy.

that last bit was pretty funny. but yeah the rest scared me alot. cant be bothered to explain it right now.

coffee antics

coffee down at the shops can get quite interesting.

not long ago i saw anthony watmough which kind of freaked out about inside but on the outside i just said 'cool'.

and today there was this couple sitting next to us who actually blatantly stared at me throughout half of our coffee. no joke. (it wouldnt be a funny one if it was..) but i actually locked eyes with the woman mulitple times and she like stared for a few more seconds then looked away, unashamed. it was so bizarre and they were hardly talking, just both looking at me, at separate times. but it was actually starting to scare me because i thought they were studying me because they were plotting my assassination. no wait im not famous enough for that. just plain murder. but yeah they werent being sus at all, just as if i had the word STARE written on my face. anyway. they ended up leaving at the same time as us, which also freaked me out, so i kind of nonchalantly hovered on the spot tapping all the newspapers into one pile. i saw them both walk out and start to walk in one direction, then both stop and start walking in the other direction. as if they were trying to waste time. by this point i was mentally shitting my panties. but they ended up walking off and i got to the car safe and sound, no point-and-shoot tactics, no hostage taken, no fire alarm set off.
safely tucked away in the backseat, i started telling my parents of this fanciful thought process of mine, and my mum said that the couple were acting a bit funny, like they were in an argument with each other and barely spoke. and they looked at me so many times! anyway im still alive and breathing so i think ill be fine. it doesnt sound that scary but it actually fucking was. like i actually thought it was one of my teachers or something and they kept looking at me expecting me to recognise them or something. but the look was a bit more suspicious, a bit more angry, a bit more evil. anyway, it doesnt sound that bad but believe me, for the length of my coffee this morning i was thinking about all of the possible reasons they could have had for looking at me for so long and obviously. i thought maybe they were model scouts arguing over whether i could be their next big look, or maybe they were hitmen who were arguing over whether i was the right target. maybe they were famous people who got mad over the fact i didnt recognise them.
whatever the reason, i have decided i do not enjoy being stared at. its just plain creepy.

p.s. if i get killed, the woman had multiple chins and stringy blonde hair, the man was well-built and had facial hair.

science

Halley's comet orbits every 76 years.

loving this party

 

glowsticks and uv bubbles

(:

lovely lily.

do the dwayne

but dont actually because its kind of silly looking and people will laugh

yay

tomorrow when the war began

yayayayayay.

music i love too much

in no particular order:

1. mgmt
someone asked me what mgmt was today and i nearly freaked out. i thought everyone knew mgmt. maybe thats just my naivety when it comes to music. but seriously.
- kids
- siberian breaks
- weekend wars
i recently bought congratulations, their new album. i havent listened to it as a whoel many times but it sounds like the second half of oracular spectacular. its pretty cool, trippy and weird.

"I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone"

2. my blunt cds
i never really listened to these because a) i didnt recognise any of the bands names and b) it was a cd which requires much effort to get onto my computer
however. when i eventually got them on my ipod
:O :O :O :O
i so completely underrated everything. the singles are amazing.
go buy blunt and listen to the cd. NAO.

3. falling down by atreyu
i never know how to pronounce the band name but SUCHAGOODSONG

its kind of funny when you realise so many other people go through the exact same thing as you

im in love with a critic and a skeptic, a traitor, id trade her in a second

i want to work in journalism
and start with work experience, degree in media journalism, and begin as a newanchor woman, smartly dressed, and travel the world, finding out new things every day. after i got too old and the makeup didnt fill in my wrinkles anymore i'd come back home and start work in a teen/tween/fashion magazine writing the beauty column or the op ed, trying out twenty mascaras a day or writing about something thats NOT politics like the local art exhibit or the protest held in the cbd. then once i got too old for THAT id use all my money, buy my dream house in whatever country i want, become the editor of a fantastic newpaper (that would be smaller than the ydney morning herald as the size of that newspaper always pissed me off enormously) and write my own hardhitting news column or just some shit editors column. i dont even care, as long as i get to travel and discover and write. id be happy.

guilt.

mmmmh i read something about something from ages ago and it made me feel terrible

elemenope - how good is my car.

too soon gone

last day of holidays
pretty sad, and im not looking forward to school.
but ive had some fun days so its all good.
(:
that is all.

wreck this journal

the point of this project is not to make a pretty picture/image. thought sometimes this will happen without you planning it. while there are absolutely no rules to this, what i’m suggesting is that you enter into every page as an experiment of sorts. To participate in an experiment means that you have no idea what will happen in the process. Empty you head of all thoughts of a final product. Think only of the material you have in your hand. Try different textures. Pretend you have never seen your journal before. Pretend you have no idea how a book works. Try pushing the idea of what a book is.

your new assignment is to percieve the journal as something else. a house, a garden, a sculpture, an article of clothing, a secret note, a movement, a manifesto, a color, a joke, a scientific document, a window, a device, a historical object, a way of documenting time. make of list of different ways you can look at it and try them.

- Keri Smith on Wreck This Journal

the doors

discovered the doors while trudging through my brother's music collection, and came across a song called 'back door man'.
after laughing a little, i decided to do some research into the meaning of the song. but here are the lyrics, read for yourself:

Oh, yeah, ma
Yeah, I'm a back door man
I'm a back door man
The men don't know
But the little girl understand
Hey, all you people that trying to sleep
I'm out to make it with my midnight dream, yeah
'Coz I'm a back door man
The men don't know
But the little girls understand
All right, yeah
You men eat your dinner
Eat your pork and beans
I eat more chicken any man ever seen, yeah, yeah
I'm a back door man
The men don't know
But the little girl understand
Well, I'm a back door man
I'm a back door man
Oh, baby, I'm a back door man
The men don't know
But the little girls understand

Anywho, apparently it was originally by Willie Dixon and is about a secret lover who sneaks in through the back door of his lover's house while her husband goes out the front door. most people said it was not a gay innuendo but i couldn't help stumbling across the lines 'i eat more chicken than any man ever seen' and 'the little girls understand'. i am yet to see how these relate to cheating on your husband.

taylorrrrrr

"dont worry bella, you'll warm up soon. but, you know you'd warm up quicker if you took your clothes off... survival 101!"

"you know i'm hotter anyway."

"doesn't he OWN a shirt?"

"well, if you weren't planning to suck the life out of the girl i love... no, not even then."

so much funny in such a not-funny movie saga
jasper is such a stoner.

just realised that wordpress says "Howdy, jemmaroar".

i lolled.

halcyon

this applies to me much more than it should
i think i bottle too much up because i dont want people to know what im really feeling

freshly dug up

when we were young and insane

i feel like this

why cant i realise im fighting for my life?

laughed so hard when i first saw this.
and now its the background on my phone so i smile everytime i open my phone.

v. bored at home right now. seems like everyone is out doing something but me. oh dear.
it doesn't matter. im tired anyway.

farewell.

call that a comeback ?

sometimes things are so much easier than i think they're going to be

gnaaw.

so flipping cute.
taylor lautner and alyson stoner in cheaper by the dozen 2.

the best you can hope to be is now just a bittersweet memory

:|

its meant to be saying something about how fashion will stop at nothing.

to me its just a little bit disturbing.

be careful what you wish for!

welcome to oblivion

On an island out in the sea,
I wouldn't care what they think of me,
But in this crowded room, I believe
That I'm seconds from insanity.

'Cause her eyes just rip me all apart,
And my temperamental mind decides that I'm the enemy.

Welcome to oblivion,
Where panic starts to settle in.
Welcome to oblivion,
Oh, I think I'm losing it.

So many voices, I can't even sleep,
Typical in night company.
They ask questions about my life,
"Where is he going?"
Who am I?
And those voices rip me all apart.
I need medicine to quiet and to find it.

if only if only

if only if only, the woodpecker cries

the bark on the trees was as soft as the skies

as the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely

he cries to the moon, if only if only